We're from the government and we're here to save the Erf....

With Wednesday being Erf Day and me being too incredibly broke to celebrate Erf Day how I traditionally do it (leaving every light in the house on and letting my truck run for 24 hours without turning it off), I started thinking about how we could do something really meaningful this Erf Day.

Here's my plan:

Everyone in Washington, D.C. gets their electricity turned off for 24 hours.  I know it's hot...I know that media outlets have to report on stupid things...but, hey, it's Erf Day.  We have to get some skin in the game.  I figure that D.C. doing without for 24 hours will probably save countless barrels of oil, millions of cubic feet of natural gas, a breeze or two blowing in from the Atlantic and maybe a few rays of sunshine....give it up for the Erf.

So, I thought that was a pretty good idea...I mean, saving is the name of the game...but then someone mentioned "green house gasses," and I was like "darn--I didn't address those directly."  So, here's what I came up with (in less than 30 seconds!) to address carbon dioxide emissions:

Everyone who lives or works in Washington, D.C., and has secured their job either through an election or by being appointed by someone who was elected--y'all get to hold your breath for 24 hours.  There, done--think of the carbon emissions I just saved!!

Remember elected officials...no cheating!!

What we really need are less lying Mexicans

It's pretty sorry what's going on in Mexico right now. In fact, Mexico has a been a pretty sorry shithole for a long time. NOW, the Mexican President--Felipe Calderon--has said, in almost as many words, the US needs to clean up its act--we're the reason Mexico has a drug cartel problem.

He goes on to blame the weapons proliferation in northern Mexico on the United States. HUH? Seems the statistic he's quoting (90% of the weapons seized in Mexico are of US origin) is a lie (not an error, or a mistake or a misunderstanding--a lie, like, you know, a sin). His lying Ambassador to the United States tossed out the same made-up statistic about a week ago. Considering that cheaper things are available for the cartel to use, from central and south American suppliers...cheaper, fully automatic weapons, easier to get...it makes NO SENSE that guns would be pouring south over our borders.

Two Mexicans lying would be funny if it weren't for the fact that the ever-truthful Hilary Clinton, Secretary of State, Senator Diane Feinsten and some douche from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, are all spouting the same lie. You can't trust these people...you can't trust them any further than you can throw them.

Shell Is Evil

Shell Exploration Company Americas, better known around here as "Shell Oil," has been a key player in this state for a long time...additionally, Shell has made New Orleans it's home (why, God only knows). After Hurricane Katrina, Shell moved very, very quickly to get their New Orleans operations back up and running and made a very public committment to helping rebuild NOLA.

To such ends, Shell sponsors a lot of big time, big money, New Orleans events, such as Jazz Festival. Never to let a whole string of good deeds go unpunished, the ingrates who populate New Orleans plan on flying a plane, towing a banner accusing Shell of ruining Louisiana's wetlands, over the Jazz Fest this year...and are soliciting donations to keep the plane in the air.

If I were Shell, I'd say "fuck y'all, we're out...and we hope the next big one washes this shithole right in to the Gulf." (You know, thinking of it, New Orleans really should be a Mexican city...sliding it into the Gulf would be a good start.)

The Advocate really is a rag...

And is beating the Jindal travelogue to death. I completely agree that the Jindal campaign coffers should be responsible for reimbursing the state for providing security for governor's non-governing related out of town trips. But these articles do their best to paint Jindal in a negative light.

Melinda Deslatte is a little more even handed with the subject matter than Michelle Millhollan was...but after stating that LSP spent more protecting Blanco in the same time period than they have Jindal...makes it a point to say that Blanco's big overseas excursions were for "business developement." Bullshit.

If The Advocate would like to demonstrate any journalistic integrity at all, they should do two things: 1) call for Jindal to reimburse the state and 2) go after the Legislature and get them to change that INANE law that requires the governor to be protected by state troopers at all times. Troopers have better things to do like harass motorists and eat donuts.

And finally...Who's a Douche?

Note that it's douche with a capital "D" this go 'round!!!

If you guessed Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, then you guessed correctly. When I went to grab the press-packet photo of Ms. Napolitano off of the DHS website, I was amazed at how big it was. I guess they had to accomodate her head...I shrunk it here so everyone can enjoy it.

Her department released an "assessment," which basically said that if you believe in God, have voted Republican or have served in the Armed Forces, you're probably in line to be a right-wing extremist. It insinuated that if you really resented paying your taxes or thought people shouldn't get so much welfare, you're a traitor. If, God forbid, you happen to own a firearm, you should be tatooed, have a tracking device implanted in you and placed under house arrest for the rest of your natural days.

Hey Janet--fuck you. How about that for right-wing ideology?

This is just neat....

We've all climbed up 'em, rolled down 'em, walked by 'em, around 'em, sat one em, looked at 'em and thought, "that's just neat..."

Well, I guess we all haven't...those of us who kinda grew up tailgating at LSU and attending LSU (and some of us even managing to graduate from LSU).

Y'all know what I'm talking about--it's the Indian Mounds!! Those three, kinda out of place "hills," just up the hill from the stadium...

A constant source of wonder, even today apparently...check out the story in The Advocate about what they've discovered in the mounds now...

Like spoiled kids, who don't know their place....

Front and center tonight on 2theadvocate.com: LSU unveils realignment plan. The actually could have called this article "LSU faculty pouts and whines like a bunch of bitches."

Which is pretty much what LSU's faculty does anytime anyone in a position of authority makes a decision. It doesn't even have to be about money--ANY decision from on high knots their panties. It's truly amazing. I don't know how bad it is at other state universities, as LSU is really the only college which gets any coverage here (which makes sense), but good Lord, they whine...

And NOTHING illustrates my point better than this little gem:

LSU library and information science graduate student Jon Frosch accused Martin and Merget of operating in a “shadowy and secretive manner.”

“It has not been well thought through. You have not included us in the process,” Frosch yelled before stomping loudly out of the lecture hall.

Hey, Mr. Frosch, why don't you go home and cry to mommy. (I really wanted to put Mr. Frosch's email address in here, so people could drop him a note, telling him what a bitch he is but, in typical bitch fashion, he doesn't have it listed on the LSU public directory.)

A grown man, employed by an institute of higher learning, working on an advanced degree, cries like a child and "stomps" out of a meeting. Surely, you jest.

Just a note to the LSU faculty and staff--you all are employees, not constituents. You work FOR the university, you don't run it. And, if you feel you're not being treated fairly, not feeling the love, not happy and all that jazz, you can do as employees do every day, all over this country, when they don't like the way things are going at their place of business--pack your things and leave. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

Death in a Small Town

West of Baton Rouge, across the river and north on La 1 is the little farming community of Morganza, La. Morganza is a very, very sad place right now.

On Friday, a small boy, just four years old, was playing in his yard. His mother gardened. Next door, the boy's neighbor and her fiance were cleaning out their dog kennels. The weather was mild. Certainly, people all over were out enjoying the day--Good Friday, here, is a family day and an outside day. And, it was a nice day to be out...soon, the south Louisiana heat would be oppressive and the only comfortable place will be inside, in the safety of the air conditioning. But not today.

Why the dogs chose to go through the barbed wire fence, as their kennels were cleaned, we won't know. By all accounts, the dogs were loved and well-cared for...pets, since puppies. The woman, who owned them, raised them since they were small. They were her pets. Her fiance, helping her clean the kennels, was a K9 officer for the Sheriff's Department. He knew dogs. No one thought anything of letting the dogs in to the yard while their kennels were cleaned.

The dogs went through the fence. To where the small boy was.

There will never be answers as to why what happened, happened. Not answers that we'll ever accept or understand. We understand that the man--the sheriff's deputy who knew dogs, who let the dogs out of the kennel and in to their yard--did his best to save the boy. Knowing dogs as he does, as he uses them in his job, he probably recognized the futility of his efforts. He tried anyway. He wasn't successful.

Morganza is sad. A little town has lost a little person. Probably every person in Morganza has lost some of themselves. No one involved in this incident is, or was, or probably ever will be, a bad person. Looking at it, no one even made a poor decision--certainly not anything that was out of the norm or different. You can't even hate and make yourself feel better.

Say a prayer for that family. Their loss is of the most incredible, terrible kind.

Say a prayer for that deputy. Everytime he closes his eyes, for the rest of his days, he'll wonder how what he did caused this. He'll hate himself for it and sometimes that hate will be nearly unbearable.

Say a prayer for Morganza. In a little town, everyone hurts together.

The Dems get their man....

It's official...the left, who've been a bunch of clowns for time eternal, finally have a bonafide clown in their midst--Senator-elect Al Franken, D-Minnesota.

The people of Minnesota should be really proud.

Afraid not, Mr. Benan

Let's take all the facts, omit the ones that don't work for us, re-arrange the others and make a statement that is COMPLETELY factual but is, in fact, wrong.

Case in point--we all know that Bobby Jindal supported Lee Domingue for the Louisiana Senate District 16 seat. We know that Dan Claitor beat the shit out of Lee Domingue. Finally, we know that Dan Claitor won because he's a good guy and Lee Domingue lost because he's a slimy, swindling douche (at least, according to every one with an opinion and Paula Pennington de la Bretton).

Of course, that's not how it plays out in the D.C. left-wing rags....nooooooo. Exhibit A--writing for The Washington Monthly (in a daily column, no less) Steve Benan explains Domingue's loss thusly:

And while I don't usually report on state Senate races, there was a big contest in Louisiana over the weekend, featuring Lee Domingue, a right-wing Republican who enjoyed the enthusiastic support of Gov. Bobby Jindal (R). Domingue, a Biblical literalist who wants creationism taught in public schools and supports banning single Louisiana citizens from adopting children, lost badly.

I'm pretty sure that Mr. Domingue's ultra-fucked-up, literal Bible view had NOTHING to do with his loss...but it plays well for the left to present it that way.

You have to be careful with these people....they're slimy, swindling douches.

When the anarchy comes....

Truck drivers and Oprah Winfrey are one and two on my list....

The previously untitled post....

I didn't even want to give this post the dignity of a title...it's sickening when you think about it, but here goes....

This is the USS Bainbridge. She's an Arleigh Burke AEGIS class guided missile destroyer. She packs about as much punch as a World War II era aircraft carrier or battleship and can project power every bit as far. Impressive, huh?

Okay....this is a Somali pirate. He's uneducated, unclean, is probably on drugs and his most potent weapon is the RPG. Not a whole lot to be concerned with, right?


These guys wouldn't even cut it in back of town, New Roads....

Now, if someone could be so kind as to explain this dynamic to me:

vs.

EQUALS a standoff???

I'm not even sure who to blame for this embarrassment....maybe that fag of a press secretary Obama has...

Actually, it's probably the maritime insurers...they're SOOOO quick to pay a ransom which, in turn, allows them to jack premiums up....think about it--they have to shell out a little cash, turn around and tell their clients, "man, it's really dangerous out there--y'all need to fork over a little more cheddar," they pocket more money in the long run and no one, except the insurers and pirates are any wiser.

Think about that for a bit....

Have you ever been to Atlantic City???

It was the fifth paragraph of this piece that caught my eye. Take a look for yourself:

http://www.rigzone.com/news/article.asp?a_id=74900

More offshore drilling will negatively impact tourism? Huh? Have you ever BEEN to Atlantic City? The only thing that would help that place out is a high-yield nuclear device leveling it and rendering it uninhabitable for a million years.

A few platforms off the coast might actually give the place a little class.

Who's a Douche (Installment Two)?

Time for another installment!!!

Today's Douche is Governor Dave Heineman of Nebraska.

(Photo courtesy http://www.nndb.com/)

Governor Heineman is crying like a spoiled 2 year old because Barksdale Air Force Base, near Shreveport, was named the site of some new Air Force command dealing with nuclear cruise missiles and bombers....Heineman thought Offutt AFB, in Nebraska should have gotten the gig. So, now, he's wasting ALL of our tax dollars by screaming for some investigation into the process that awarded the command to Barksdale.

Not very Republican, Governor Dave. Congratulations on being this week's Douche.

Jindal's Foray Fails...

With his endorsement of Winston Lee Domingue, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal decided to step off into the direction of the old-school Louisiana politics. The people of the State Senate District 16 told Jindal to mind his own business.

This was just a boneheaded move for the Gov on two fronts: first--the people of Louisiana elected him on a reform platform, demonstrating their desire to get away from politics-as-usual, and second--Lee Domingue is a douche (and will probably get the "Who's a Douche?" award at some point in the near future). So, as I see it--play politics as usual--strike; support a clown in a race with a clear "good-guy" choice--strike. That would be two....and the way the local media is piling up on Jindal's jetsetting fundraising, the Gov best be careful.

Three strikes in this fickle fiefdom earns a fat K and a quick trip to the bench. Given the rise in sophistication of the Louisiana electorate over the past several years--that trip to the bench might be the end of a career.

Did I hear that correctly?

Is Obama actually going around Europe, apologizing for some imagined, U.S. arrogance?

You've GOT to be kidding me.

Let's see...at last count, we've had to go over there and save the Europeans from themselves twice....and, if we were to sit on our haunches, grab a beer and light the pit, I'm pretty sure we'd get to watch the sorry fuckers go at it again.

And here's "our" President, making the global apology tour....next stop, Tehran, where he will apologize to the crazy Islamists for our insensitivity, which-obviously-has caused them to hijack airplanes, seize embassies, blow up buildings and fly planes into skyscrapers.

Yes, the electorate gets what they deserve....

Really??

By all means....we'll wait while you wind up the missiles.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,511965,00.html