27 September 2012

When The Bottom Falls Out

So, when the oilfield ends...?

I got to thinking what I'd do with myself when the bottom falls out of the oilfield (or, Obama is re-elected, hastening the "end of oil") and realized that there are probably others in this business who often wonder the same thing.  To help everyone out, I've come up with list of good career matches based on the skills different groups have to exhibit to "excel" in the oilfield.

The following list is by no means exhaustive.

Company Men --> President of the United States

Based upon the facts that most company men already do the following:
  • Speak louder than everyone else, like they're important--not quietly like the telephone operators they really are...and, they say "uhhh" a lot...kinda like a certain sitting President,
  • Don't know what the fuck they're actually talking about and continuously have to ask a staff of faceless functionaries what to do...kinda like a certain sitting President,
  • Believe ALL of the bullshit that comes out of their own mouths...like a certain sitting President, and...
  • Are ridiculously overpaid, considering they add no value to the process...kinda like, you know.
These guys NEED to pursue the highest office in the land...its either that, or ride off into the sunset on their Harley with their fourth wife a suitcase of Viagra.

Mud Engineers --> Meth Manufacturers

Let's face it, us mud engineers mix for a living.  We really don't know what the shit we're mixing together, or how it works, but they keep writing checks for it.  Making bathtub meth shouldn't be that big of a leap.

Directional Drillers/Tool Hands --> Porn Stars

Since every directional driller and tool hand in the history of the oilfield has claimed to have the biggest dick in [insert geographic region here], they're ideally suited for a career in porn.  They'd have to take a pay cut, sell the Harley and have the third wife leave them (with their suitcase of Viagra), but shit, a man's gotta eat.

Loggers --> Dude...huhh?

Seriously...they'd never even know...and, as long as someone on the beach was willing to share some weed, they'd probably never even care.

Cooks/BR Hands --> Inmates

This is just a return to normalcy for these guys.  And not that I haven't met some fantastic BR hands and cooks...it's just that, you know, if they aren't locked down offshore...they're probably going to be locked up somewhere else.

Crane Drivers --> US Postal Service Letter Carriers

For putting your life in someone's hands regularly (if you've never ridden a personnel basket--trust me--you've NEVER felt so powerless in your whole life), you'd think crane operators would be chosen based upon their mental stability as much as their hand/eye/foot coordination.  Not true...every crane driver in the history of the oilfield is a certified nut job.  They're usually really good at what they do...but batshit crazy.  Putting on the USPS uniform should be an easy transition.

09 June 2011

Since some people need this explained....

Anthony Weiner is a douche for running around (ethereally speaking) on his old lady.

But that's NOT why he should resign.  He should resign because he made up one piss-poor lie after another to cover it up.  In fact, he used his position as a Congressman to get a national audience--multiple times--to further the fabrication.  That's conduct unbecoming and THAT is why he should resign.

And, as big a douche as Weiner is--those people in his district who'd vote for him again are even larger douches.

28 September 2010

There's dog sh*t..and then, there's Alan Grayson

I've been advised that now, as responsible member of the white-collar crowd, I should abandon the "roughneck language and coarseness."  So, I'm going to give it shot...right after I get done talking about what an absolute piece of shit Florida Congressman Alan Grayson is.
Official House of
Representatives Photo

Before I set about calling Mr. Grayson a bunch of low-brow names, I'm going to say this about the guy--he apparently didn't come from a whole lot, but managed to get in to Harvard and work his way through.  And not "working" as you'd imagine an Ivy Leaguer working, but pretty much mopping floors and doing thankless things.  He then proceeded to build a successful law career and start a telecom company which is the large part of his personal wealth.  Kudos for work ethic and making your own way in the world (it used to be referred to as "the American dream," but that's apparently politically incorrect now, as it's offensive to those with lead in their asses).

While I find Grayson's political positions disagreeable, in toto, his latest action is completely, totally and ABSOLUTELY one of the scummiest displays in the history of American politics.  Being a rather astute observer of politics, in general, and Louisiana politics in particular--and doing my best to educate myself on the history of both--there's been some completely low-ball sliminess to be had, especially when it comes to Louisiana.  But Grayson, of Florida, has sunk politics to a new low.

I know zero about his Republican opponent, Daniel Webster (who's parents were either too literate for their own good, or completely lacking creativity in the baby nomenclature department) aside from the fact that he gave a speech to a group of born-again Christians sometime in 2009.  I heard the whole speech (admittedly, on Sean Hannity--throw up in your mouth TV) and I thought it was kind of humble, low-key and reflective--this Webster fellow probably does make it to church every Sunday.  He probably is also pretty genuine in his devotion to his religion.  Good for him--his brand of religion doesn't suit me all that well, but I can respect him having a position and sticking by it.

Then, there's the new ad from shitbag Grayson's re-election campaign:

I posted the ad here, because most will probably watch the embedded version of it and think "wow--really?"  But, now you've seen the Grayson piece...scroll back up and click the link to the video of the Webster speech and watch it.  After seeing what the Grayson campaign did--and mind you, they didn't simply take words out of context--they ACTIVELY edited what Webster said to make this ad.  Now, if you're not saying "wow--really?" and thinking that Alan Grayson, his entire campaign staff, his whole family and everyone in Florida who voted for him are complete pieces of shit--you absolutely have NO sense of what's right and what's wrong.

Grayson, his campaign, his staff and anyone who thinks that this is okay--well, in my book, y'all are all douches.  And, while he has too much money to just wish away--an end to his political career isn't going to be the demise of Alan Grayson--we can all just wish that he gets a really big hemorrhoid, that doctors can't remove, for one reason or another--and spends the rest of his days being uncomfortable when he sits down.

Now...one more time before I have to shelve the language and behave like a good, white-collar, mid-career professional: Alan Grayson = dog shit.

22 September 2010

End of the hitch

It didn't dawn on me until an hour or so after I woke up.

I was prepping relief notes, getting my gear together waiting on my relief.  Then it hit me--after this hitch, I'll get home and unpack my bag for the last time as a field engineer.  Maybe not permanently, maybe so...I don't know.  But after almost a decade of chasing rigs, I'm trading in the gear for a desk, the steel toes for dress shoes and the coveralls and work shirts for "business casual."

Wow.  Ten years in the field--a third of my lifetime--and moving "into the office."  It was something I always told myself I wouldn't do.  The field is where it's at.  It's where everything HAPPENS.  There really is no way to describe the sense of satisfaction when, at the end of the job, the drilling team has delivered quality wellbore.  I know--it's goofy sounding--but there's something that I've always found rewarding about wading into it and going toe-to-toe with a force so much bigger than yourself.  Then walking away knowing you won...it just never got any better for me.  Some holes were easier than others.  But it was the ones that left you dirty and sleep-deprived and feeling physically beat--when you TD'd and got casing down and the company man shook your hand before you got on the boat or the chopper and just said "good job"--those always gave me a grin.

It's going to be hard to replace the stories too.  NOTHING ever goes completely perfectly while you're drilling.  Sometimes it's a bonehead move you make on the surface--a bad decision, based on imperfect information--or just not knowing.  Sometimes, it was knowing better and just not trusting your gut.  And sometimes, the Earth just didn't want to give it up.  "Fight that bitch," in the colloquialism.  But there was always a good story to come out of it.  Surely, they were the kind of stories you couldn't just tell anywhere, to anyone, since we speak a language that's so unique to the industry that few understand it.  But they were great stories.

Which has caused me to wonder what kind of stories do office hands have to tell?

The drive home, for the first time, was kind of melancholy.  Normally, I'm ready to go to work--and, after two weeks--most certainly ready to get home to the wife and kiddos.  My hand-off took a long time this hitch.  I sat there BSing for two hours on something that should have taken 30 minutes.  This time too, I sat at the entrance to the location road for a few minutes and collected a few thoughts, wondering if I had forgotten anything, but mostly wondering about leaving this behind.  The drive home, from some place that's hard to find on a map, seemed to go by really quickly.

On the advice of a friend, who grew up in the oilfield also, and who also traded in his gear for a desk, I'm going to keep my dirty hardhat somewhere I can see it every day, so I don't forget who I work for and where I came from.  And there's this letter from my old man--he wrote it to me about ten years ago and I carried it with me for a long time--father/son advice about what I was getting myself into...but it read more like a "talking to" from an older driller to a worm that might have some promise.

I need to dig that out too.

12 September 2010

Twitter Followers

I don't really pay that much attention to who follows me on Twitter, but I did notice that that number had increased by a couple over the past few days, so I decided to take a look.  Interestingly enough, I'm being followed by both Senator David Vitter (obviously, for a bit, since he's way down in my queue) and this entity hookers4vitter.  That gave me a little laugh.

I know what I'm going to get when I start reading some of the carrying-on and yes, there it is, most all of this person(s)' (entity, alien, bot, enviro-whacko leftjob) tweets carry the lovely #p2 hashtag.  You can click on the hyperlink to read the definition, but think MoveOn.org, algore, George Soros-flavor douches.  Yes, I'm going to vote for Vitter--no, I'm no card-carrying, Bible-thumping rightwing nutjob.  Vitter just represents what's important to me, in the Senate (basically, stay the f*ck out of my checking account, Mr. Big Government) than the incredibly brain-dead, Obama-leg-humping, pandering Charlie Melancon would.  Not  to mention, Charlie cried like a fat kid who just dropped a Snickers bar, in a House committee meeting, on national TV...with EVERYONE in Louisiana knowing it was a show--his bad hairpiece dangling in the wind--and generally looking like a clown.

So, without further blathering, here are some new Twitter IDs that should appeal to Charlie Mel-an-cholly supporters:

Useless Welfare Moms for Charlie (twitter.com/WelfareMoms)
Useless Lazy Educators for Charlie (twitter.com/LazyEducators)
Useless Union Workers for Charlie (twitter.com/UselessUnions)
Useless Chicago Thugs in the White House for Charlie (twitter.com/BARACKOBAMA or twitter.com/RahmboEmanuel)

They're actually all pretty easy to find...you can just search on the hash tags "#douche" or "#leftist."

11 September 2010

The chance to comment is here...

Actually, the chance to comment has probably BEEN here, I'm just becoming aware of it.

For those who have something to say to the new "Bureau of Ocean Energy Management" regarding rules and regulation enforcement for offshore drilling, proposed changes to the rules and regulations, new rules and regulations, enforcement of old rules and regulations, enforcement of proposed rules and regulations and enforcement of rules and regulations we haven't imagined yet, you may go to the BOEM website here:


and click on the highlighted word "online" down the page a bit.  Alternatively, this link will take you DIRECTLY to the comment page:


where you can enter all of your pertinent information and your comments and have them submitted as an official part of the Federal Register.  Comments are due no later than September 17th at 2359 hours to be included on the docket.

From Wikipedia/Department of the Interior-MMS
This is all a follow-up to the Horizon Incident and is being headed up by Michael Bromwich, the newly appointed head of the newly formed Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation and Enforcement, which replaces the old Minerals Management Service with not one, but TWO new bureaucracies--one which charges operators to drill and the other which makes it impossible for them to drill.  Two bureaucracies are obviously better than one, almost in the same vein that two wrongs quite possibly equal a right.

This gem appeared on 2TheAdvocate.com for all of about 5 minutes on September 10th:

Feds: Drilling Moratorium Depends on Industry

Really?  Well...why are we still shutdown and why the "shadow moratorium" on "shelf" drilling?  It was only up there long enough for me to comment it on it, then disappeared into The Advocate ether, but my comments were as follows:

Uh, already comply with current. No way to comply with "soon-to-be" since no one has bothered to tell anyone what they are. 

We'd like to say that Bromwich is an "agenda" appointee, but his pedigree points to something different. Certainly, if his newly formed Bureau of Ocean Energy Management would publish some "new" rules and regulations, the industry would aptly follow--as the industry has the rules and regs put forth by the MMS. The questions are--are they necessary and can we afford them. We'll see if Bromwich's apparent lack of bias holds true, or if he's just another East Coast, Harvard-trained elitist with an agenda.

To his credit, Bromwich is known as something of an honest broker in governmental circles (oxymoron-ish description, for sure), but we'll see what happens.  Seriously--all the necessary rules and regulations are in place, with compliance being pretty much at the top of each operator's priority list.  How the new organization pursues enforcement would make FAR more difference than inane notions like double blowout preventer stacks.

We'll see.  In the meantime (you know, after the LSU game--and, after you sober up) go to the BOEMRE website and offer some intelligent commentary for the newly uninformed in Washington.

10 September 2010

From a former Chancellor

As published in today's Advocate:

2theadvocate.com | Opinion | Letter: La. universities’ value analyzed — Baton Rouge, LA

I believe that the statistics presented in Chancellor Wharton's letter are demonstrative of the fact that LSU is concerned about LSU--the students be damned.  As evidenced by the fact that they are A) more interested in maintaining their "Research I" designation, B) recent budget-cutting focused on elimination of instructional delivery staff and C) their go-forward plan with construction of new facilities focuses more on research, rather than classroom space--it's pretty evident that the "powers-that-be" at LSU WANT undergraduate enrollment for the sake of boosting numbers for the purposes of funding, rather than delivering a product that the State of Louisiana needs.

We complain, in Louisiana about "brain drain" and our inability to attract business and industry which require an educated workforce.  Simultaneously, LSU alums are more interested in how the football season is going to shape up, than the graduation rates for entering freshmen classes.  Quite obviously, our priorities are NOT aligned with our wants.

LSU OBVIOUSLY has their priorities aligned with their wants--if you're job is to educate and your budget is cut, common sense dictates that you do away with functions not directly related to instructional delivery.  But not if your priority is to maintain the status quo.  LSU went about chopping positions related to turning out an educated commodity--NOT cutting the countless numbers of useless administrative assistants, program directors and other civil service functionaries who do nothing but take up parking spaces.  Why--because they want to have a basis for keeping their funding levels up...

My thinking on LSU is not popular from an alumni standard, but admitting that you have a problem is the first step toward solving it.  If those of us who have chosen to remain in Louisiana, post-graduation, don't start raising hell about this, it's not going to get fixed.

07 September 2010

I couldn't resist

And yeah, it's been a LONG time since I've posted anything at all on the blog (I was going to say "meaningful," but that'd be a stretch). But, this tidbit got my attention:

So, Islam is a religion of peace, huh? And, I mean seriously, would you expect any less from a group of clowns who stand outside of polling places, intimidating voters, threaten to kill "crackers and their cracker babies," (or, more accurately "crackas...and dey cracka babies" which is what was said, specifically) and generally look like a bunch of imbeciles?

Maybe they are smarter than I'm giving them credit for being, however--they have managed to beat a federal rap....

26 June 2010


The blog's been neglected for a while now....I think it's time to revive it.

15 September 2009

Funniest Defense Yet...

Of Joe Wilson....actually, aimed at some dumbass representative from GA named Hank Johnson. As seen in the comments section of Fox News' Politics reporting of the story:

"Hank Johnson is a child molester. If Hank Johnson believes that Joe Wilson is, or anyone that agrees with his comments is, a racist, then Hank Johnson is a child molester. Anyone who believes what Hank Johnson does is also a child molester and is figuring out a way to molest your child right now. My statement is at least as true, and has as much validity as Hank Johnsons and I demand a congressional hearing to hold these child molesters accountable. I'm serious people.. just keep saying it, over and over, because that makes it true. Hank Johnson is a child molester. Lets see how Hank like being called a vile disgusting thing." Posted by daveisright

These people on the left are clowns....it's amazing.

11 September 2009

It requires $25,000 of other peoples' money...

To figure out that a pay system that's not based on performance isn't generating results?

I'd like to rant and rave that it's "only in Louisiana," but I know it isn't. The disconnect between teacher pay and performance has always galled me...it's just that, in Louisiana, you've had below par pay for really below par performance--and you've had it for a long time.

So now, an outside expert has been brought in to tell us that paying teachers, independent of the product they are turning out, doesn't make any sense.

Go figure.

23 August 2009

Another opportunity...missed

Certainly, someone has said this. It just seems like I've been really unplugged the past several weeks with work and family and stuff--but surely, someone has told the Republican party what a great opportunity they're about to piss away.

Everyone is healthcare crazy right now--Obama and the Dems are trying to play the typical, left-wing fascist by shoving something down our throats that we don't necessarily want and the Republicans are sitting back, grinning like fat cats every time a town hall turns into a "let's lynch our elected official," gathering (most should be lynched deservedly--with, our without, the healthcare debate). It's a mess.

Out of chaos, you'd think that some order would emerge. You would THINK that the Republican party who have a lot of guys with "M.D." before their Rs would have seen this opportunity and run with it. So far, I haven't heard it. I'm talking about an alternative to what the Dems are proposing.

It doesn't even have to be "comprehensive healthcare reform." A sensible start will do. Certainly with all the public squawking, figuring out what we need, right now, should not be an exercise in mental agility. And ya know, tweaking the healthcare system--for the good--is a complicated process, so let's not get in a hurry. But let's make a start.

And when the left says "no," to commonsense reforms (because they come from Republicans), they'll show themselves to be what they really are--the bad guys in all this mess.

Just as an FYI, Louisiana has THREE medical doctors in our Congressional contingent--that's a pretty good ratio for a "backwoods" state, don't you think? If the notion strikes, write or call Dr. Bill Cassidy, Dr. Charles Boustany or Dr. John Fleming and tell them to get on the stick crafting an alternative to the Nazi crap the Left is putting out!!

12 August 2009

I know what side of the fence Facebook is on.

Since they chose to remove my group "Henry Louis Gates is a common thug," and not even have the decency to site specific examples as to WHY my group violated their Terms of Service.

I think it's because Facebook is run by those who would describe themselves as liberals--which really means that they know better than everyone else and don't have to explain anything to anyone.

Now, I fully recognize the fact that I am using Facebook at the mercy of those who OWN Facebook and, since it's their property, they're free to do as they please. However, a quick search of political groups on Facebook finds that there are far more that could be described as "left leaning" than those with bends to the right. This leads me to believe that my group was dismantled because I was not very kind to the president or "Dr." Gates. Do dear in mind that I didn't attack Gates or the pres, didn't wish them ill and didn't write anything that wasn't either the truth, or my opinion, or a fact which I felt adequately supported my opinion...I even allowed left-wing Obama worshippers to come on their and spout off--for no reason other than it was fun shooting them down.

I think the "Facebook" team gets the Who's a Douche award for the week....